The importance of voting
November 23rd 2007 00:45
"Stan: Oh forget it! I'm not gonna be persuaded into voting and I'm not gonna be threatened into voting if I don't feel comfortable with it! I'm not gonna vote and you can all just live with it!"
Episode 8, Season 8: Douche and Turd
First aired: 27 October 2004.
"During a pep rally at the South Park Elementary School, a local PETA group protests the use of a cow as a mascot. The school agrees to pick a new mascot, and the students are told to vote. Embarrassed by the bland choices, the kids decide to fill in a joke candidate but disagree as to whether it should be a 'giant douche' or a 'turd sandwich.' Kyle rallies his friends to fill in the giant douche, and Cartman gathers support for the turd sandwich."
Watch the episode online here (episode 8 of season 8).
Some extracts from the script below.
[The front doors of the school. Stan and Kenny flank the entrance and hand out buttons as the other kids come out]
Kyle: Be sure to vote for Giant Douche.
Kenny: (Giant Douche! Vote for him!)
Kyle: Giant Douche is your man!
Stan: [exiting] Kyle, aren't you taking this a little too far? I mean, do we really want a giant douche to be our school mascot?
Kyle: Dude, I'm not going to lose to Cartman's stupid turd sandwich. [something like an ice cream truck is heard, and Cartman appears driving his Big Wheels bike, pulling a portable stage. Butters is dancing on the stage, dressed as a Hawaiian hula dancer. In his hands he has leis to hand out.]
Cartman: Vote for Turd Sandwich. This is the most important election of our lives. [Butters begins tossing out the leis, and kids step forth to get them. A man shows up as well, but gets nothing] Turd Sandwich brings us hope for change. A vote for Turd Sandwich is a Vote for Tomorrow!
Kyle: There. Do you really want that asshole to win?
Stan: I'm not voting!
Kyle: What? Y-you gotta vote, dude. Haven't you seen the Rock the Vote stuff or, or Puff Daddy's Vote or Die??
Stan: I just think this whole thing is stupid! [walks off angrily]
Kyle: Kenny, we have got to make Stan understand the importance of voting, because he'll definitely vote for our guy.
Kenny: (Yeah.)
[The Marsh house, dinnertime. The family is gathered at table, with Grandpa at one end, Randy at the other. Sharon comes in with plates and the main course]
Sharon: How was school today, Stanley?
Stan: It was ridiculous. We have to have a new school mascot and we're supposed to vote between a giant douche and a turd sandwich.
Sharon: ... What did you say?
Randy: Did you just say that... voting is ridiculous?
Stan: No, I think voting is great, but, if I have to choose between a douche and a turd, I just don't see the point.
Randy: [clenches his fists] You don't see the point!! Oh you young people just make me sick!
Sharon: Stanley, do you know how many people died so you could have the right to vote?!
Stan: Mom, I-I just don't think there's much of a difference between a douche and a turd. I d-don't care.
Randy: [jumps upright and plants his hands on the table] You don't care?! You really want a turd sandwich as your school mascot?! On your football helmets?! A turd?!
Sharon: Well, hold on, Randy, I think a turd sandwich is a little better than them having a giant douche on their uniforms.
Randy: You're crazy!! A d-a douche is at least clean!
Sharon: It's sexist is what it is!
Randy: You don't understand the issues, Sharon!
Sharon: Are you calling me ignorant??
Randy: You think the school mascot should be a turd sandwich? Well you're not exactly Einstein!
Sharon: I am sick of you belittling my opinion, you son of a bitch! [picks up the casserole and chucks it at Randy, who ducks and looks back at her angrily. They both leave the table in opposite directions.]
Shelley: [leaving the table as well] I hate this family, I hate it! [Stan looks on, shocked, while Grandpa continues eating unruffled. The door bell rings. Stan leaves the table and opens the front door. A black man is outside... with his posse]
Stan: Puff Daddy?
Puff Daddy: Your friend Kyle said you don't understand the importance of voting.
Stan: I...
Puff Daddy: Apparently you haven't heard of my "Vote or Die" campaign. [holds up a shirt with the slogan on it]
Stan: "Vote or Die"? [upset] What the hell does that even mean?!
Puff Daddy: [whips out a gun from his back pocket, cocks it, and aims it at Stan] What you think it means, bitch!
Stan: AAAAH!!
[Music video. Stan is running down the street. An open-roof car pops up behind him and bears down on him]
Posse: Vote or die, mother_, mother_er, vote or die!
Puff Daddy: Rock the vote or else I'm gonna stick a knife through your eye.
Posse: Democracy is founded on one simple rule!
[Overhead shot of Puff Daddy, dressed in a white suit, then in a black suit.]
Puff Daddy: Get out there and vote or I will mother__ kill you.
[...]
[The Principal's Office, later]
Principal Victoria: We've simply had it with your son, Mr and Mrs Marsh. Voting just doesn't appear to be important to him.
Randy: Stanley, when you left for school this morning, you said you were going to vote!
Stan: The whole thing is a joke!
Sharon: You see? He's out of control. It's nearly torn our whole family apart.
Principal Victoria: Well, my hands are tied. We can no longer have Stan's behavior jeopardizing the other children. He must be removed.
Randy: Ogh! Are you happy now, Stan? You just got yourself suspended!
Principal Victoria: No, I'm afraid it's worse than that. By county law I'm bound to enforce the harshest punishment possible.
Randy: Expulsion??
Principal Victoria: No. Banishment.
Stan: B-bani-banishment?
Principal Victoria:You can appeal to the city council, but I don't think it'll do any good. Your son must leave South Park, never to return.
Sharon: [goes over to Randy and cries into his chest] Oh, Randy!
Randy: Our son, banished. Where did we go wrong?? [cries on Sharon's shoulder]
Stan: Ya... you're all joking, right?
[A moonlit partly-cloudy night in South Park. The townsfolk are gathered at the edge of town, with Stan facing them all alone. A horse stands at the ready on one side of Main Street.]
Mayor McDaniels: [steps forth and reads a proclamation] As it was in the times of our forefathers, so it is now. Stan Marsh, for not following our most sacred of rites, you are hereby banished from South Park for all eternity. Or until you decide that voting is important. Good-bye, Stan. May the gods treat you more kindly than we did. [the townsfolk step forth and begin ripping away at Stan's coat and shirt. Mr Garrison is first: he rips off a piece of Stan's coat, spits on it, and throws it back at Stan. He leaves and Officer Barbady steps forth, repeating what Mr Garrison did. Craig follows suit, then Kyle steps up]
[...]
Randy: This is breaking your mother's heart, Stan. She couldn't even help tie you to the horse.
Stan: Dad, isn't this a little extreme?
Randy: Jesus. I guess maybe you'll never understand how important voting is. [puts a pail over Stan's head] Goodbye, Stan.
[...]
[SP Public Access Presents: Debate 2004]
Announcer: This is Debate 2004 with your host, Jim Lehrer.
Jim Lehrer: Welcome to the cable-access televised debate between a giant douche [screen left] and a turd sandwich [screen right]. We'll start with Giant Douche.
[...]
Giant Douche: But I would hope that those students and their parents who question my qualities would simply look at my opponent. He is a turd sandwich
Turd Sandwich: [leaning forward] You're a turd sandwich.
Giant Douche: No, sir, if you'll pardon me, you are in fact, the turd sandwich.
Turd Sandwich: [quickly countering] You're a turd sandwich.
Giant Douche: Sir, you are a turd sandwich.
Turd Sandwich: [quickly countering] You're a turd sandwich.
[...]
Sharon: Stan, you came back. Does that mean... you learned the importance of voting?
Stan: I learned that I'd better get used to having to pick between a douche and a turd sandwich because it's usually the choice I'll have.
Randy: He's going to vote!!
Townsfolk: [murmuring amongst themselves] He's going to vote. He's going to vote.
[...]
Mr Mackey: [Adding Stan's vote to the tally] Stan's vote bring the total votes for Turd Sandwich to... thirty six! And Giant Douche has... one thousand four hundred and ten. Giant Douche still wins.
Some Townsfolk: Yeah! All right!
Other Townsfolk: AWWWW!!
Stan: Dude, so my vote didn't even really matter!
Randy: Hey! That's not true, Stan.
Sharon: [genuflects behind Stan] You can't judge the merits of voting on whether or not your candidate won.
Randy: [genuflects behind Stan] Your vote still mattered.
Mr Garrison: [rushing into the school] Hey everybody! [holds up a shredded PETA shirt. Everyone turns and looks] They just found all the PETA members murdered at their compound! [all gasp]
Mr Mackey: What the? They're all dead? Well, that means...
Clyde: That we can go back to being the South Park Cows! [opens his jacket and shows off his Cows shirt]
All: Hooray! All right!
Randy: [to Stan] Naw, your vote didn't matter.
***
First aired: 27 October 2004.
"During a pep rally at the South Park Elementary School, a local PETA group protests the use of a cow as a mascot. The school agrees to pick a new mascot, and the students are told to vote. Embarrassed by the bland choices, the kids decide to fill in a joke candidate but disagree as to whether it should be a 'giant douche' or a 'turd sandwich.' Kyle rallies his friends to fill in the giant douche, and Cartman gathers support for the turd sandwich."
Watch the episode online here (episode 8 of season 8).
Some extracts from the script below.
***
[The front doors of the school. Stan and Kenny flank the entrance and hand out buttons as the other kids come out]
Kyle: Be sure to vote for Giant Douche.
Kenny: (Giant Douche! Vote for him!)
Kyle: Giant Douche is your man!
Stan: [exiting] Kyle, aren't you taking this a little too far? I mean, do we really want a giant douche to be our school mascot?
Kyle: Dude, I'm not going to lose to Cartman's stupid turd sandwich. [something like an ice cream truck is heard, and Cartman appears driving his Big Wheels bike, pulling a portable stage. Butters is dancing on the stage, dressed as a Hawaiian hula dancer. In his hands he has leis to hand out.]
Cartman: Vote for Turd Sandwich. This is the most important election of our lives. [Butters begins tossing out the leis, and kids step forth to get them. A man shows up as well, but gets nothing] Turd Sandwich brings us hope for change. A vote for Turd Sandwich is a Vote for Tomorrow!
Kyle: There. Do you really want that asshole to win?
Stan: I'm not voting!
Kyle: What? Y-you gotta vote, dude. Haven't you seen the Rock the Vote stuff or, or Puff Daddy's Vote or Die??
Stan: I just think this whole thing is stupid! [walks off angrily]
Kyle: Kenny, we have got to make Stan understand the importance of voting, because he'll definitely vote for our guy.
Kenny: (Yeah.)
[The Marsh house, dinnertime. The family is gathered at table, with Grandpa at one end, Randy at the other. Sharon comes in with plates and the main course]
Sharon: How was school today, Stanley?
Stan: It was ridiculous. We have to have a new school mascot and we're supposed to vote between a giant douche and a turd sandwich.
Sharon: ... What did you say?
Randy: Did you just say that... voting is ridiculous?
Stan: No, I think voting is great, but, if I have to choose between a douche and a turd, I just don't see the point.
Randy: [clenches his fists] You don't see the point!! Oh you young people just make me sick!
Sharon: Stanley, do you know how many people died so you could have the right to vote?!
Stan: Mom, I-I just don't think there's much of a difference between a douche and a turd. I d-don't care.
Randy: [jumps upright and plants his hands on the table] You don't care?! You really want a turd sandwich as your school mascot?! On your football helmets?! A turd?!
Sharon: Well, hold on, Randy, I think a turd sandwich is a little better than them having a giant douche on their uniforms.
Randy: You're crazy!! A d-a douche is at least clean!
Sharon: It's sexist is what it is!
Randy: You don't understand the issues, Sharon!
Sharon: Are you calling me ignorant??
Randy: You think the school mascot should be a turd sandwich? Well you're not exactly Einstein!
Sharon: I am sick of you belittling my opinion, you son of a bitch! [picks up the casserole and chucks it at Randy, who ducks and looks back at her angrily. They both leave the table in opposite directions.]
Shelley: [leaving the table as well] I hate this family, I hate it! [Stan looks on, shocked, while Grandpa continues eating unruffled. The door bell rings. Stan leaves the table and opens the front door. A black man is outside... with his posse]
Stan: Puff Daddy?
Puff Daddy: Your friend Kyle said you don't understand the importance of voting.
Stan: I...
Puff Daddy: Apparently you haven't heard of my "Vote or Die" campaign. [holds up a shirt with the slogan on it]
Stan: "Vote or Die"? [upset] What the hell does that even mean?!
Puff Daddy: [whips out a gun from his back pocket, cocks it, and aims it at Stan] What you think it means, bitch!
Stan: AAAAH!!
[Music video. Stan is running down the street. An open-roof car pops up behind him and bears down on him]
Posse: Vote or die, mother_, mother_er, vote or die!
Puff Daddy: Rock the vote or else I'm gonna stick a knife through your eye.
Posse: Democracy is founded on one simple rule!
[Overhead shot of Puff Daddy, dressed in a white suit, then in a black suit.]
Puff Daddy: Get out there and vote or I will mother__ kill you.
[...]
[The Principal's Office, later]
Principal Victoria: We've simply had it with your son, Mr and Mrs Marsh. Voting just doesn't appear to be important to him.
Randy: Stanley, when you left for school this morning, you said you were going to vote!
Stan: The whole thing is a joke!
Sharon: You see? He's out of control. It's nearly torn our whole family apart.
Principal Victoria: Well, my hands are tied. We can no longer have Stan's behavior jeopardizing the other children. He must be removed.
Randy: Ogh! Are you happy now, Stan? You just got yourself suspended!
Principal Victoria: No, I'm afraid it's worse than that. By county law I'm bound to enforce the harshest punishment possible.
Randy: Expulsion??
Principal Victoria: No. Banishment.
Stan: B-bani-banishment?
Principal Victoria:You can appeal to the city council, but I don't think it'll do any good. Your son must leave South Park, never to return.
Sharon: [goes over to Randy and cries into his chest] Oh, Randy!
Randy: Our son, banished. Where did we go wrong?? [cries on Sharon's shoulder]
Stan: Ya... you're all joking, right?
[A moonlit partly-cloudy night in South Park. The townsfolk are gathered at the edge of town, with Stan facing them all alone. A horse stands at the ready on one side of Main Street.]
Mayor McDaniels: [steps forth and reads a proclamation] As it was in the times of our forefathers, so it is now. Stan Marsh, for not following our most sacred of rites, you are hereby banished from South Park for all eternity. Or until you decide that voting is important. Good-bye, Stan. May the gods treat you more kindly than we did. [the townsfolk step forth and begin ripping away at Stan's coat and shirt. Mr Garrison is first: he rips off a piece of Stan's coat, spits on it, and throws it back at Stan. He leaves and Officer Barbady steps forth, repeating what Mr Garrison did. Craig follows suit, then Kyle steps up]
[...]
Randy: This is breaking your mother's heart, Stan. She couldn't even help tie you to the horse.
Stan: Dad, isn't this a little extreme?
Randy: Jesus. I guess maybe you'll never understand how important voting is. [puts a pail over Stan's head] Goodbye, Stan.
[...]
[SP Public Access Presents: Debate 2004]
Announcer: This is Debate 2004 with your host, Jim Lehrer.
Jim Lehrer: Welcome to the cable-access televised debate between a giant douche [screen left] and a turd sandwich [screen right]. We'll start with Giant Douche.
[...]
Giant Douche: But I would hope that those students and their parents who question my qualities would simply look at my opponent. He is a turd sandwich
Turd Sandwich: [leaning forward] You're a turd sandwich.
Giant Douche: No, sir, if you'll pardon me, you are in fact, the turd sandwich.
Turd Sandwich: [quickly countering] You're a turd sandwich.
Giant Douche: Sir, you are a turd sandwich.
Turd Sandwich: [quickly countering] You're a turd sandwich.
[...]
Sharon: Stan, you came back. Does that mean... you learned the importance of voting?
Stan: I learned that I'd better get used to having to pick between a douche and a turd sandwich because it's usually the choice I'll have.
Randy: He's going to vote!!
Townsfolk: [murmuring amongst themselves] He's going to vote. He's going to vote.
[...]
Mr Mackey: [Adding Stan's vote to the tally] Stan's vote bring the total votes for Turd Sandwich to... thirty six! And Giant Douche has... one thousand four hundred and ten. Giant Douche still wins.
Some Townsfolk: Yeah! All right!
Other Townsfolk: AWWWW!!
Stan: Dude, so my vote didn't even really matter!
Randy: Hey! That's not true, Stan.
Sharon: [genuflects behind Stan] You can't judge the merits of voting on whether or not your candidate won.
Randy: [genuflects behind Stan] Your vote still mattered.
Mr Garrison: [rushing into the school] Hey everybody! [holds up a shredded PETA shirt. Everyone turns and looks] They just found all the PETA members murdered at their compound! [all gasp]
Mr Mackey: What the? They're all dead? Well, that means...
Clyde: That we can go back to being the South Park Cows! [opens his jacket and shows off his Cows shirt]
All: Hooray! All right!
Randy: [to Stan] Naw, your vote didn't matter.
| 78 |
| Vote |
Add To: 
Comment by Henrah
InsightBlog
Comment by Damo
So who won?
Comment by Giganta the great ape of the universe
Comment by Nonymous
Philosophy Blog
Damo -- don't know who won. I thnk it was giant douche rather than John Howard.
Giganta -- a little ape told me about it.