Just making conversation
October 4th 2006 06:42
Conversation is never pointless in the literal sense; the most inane conversation is entered into, and continued, for a reason or reasons. Much of the time, it’s not the information content that counts.
There are a lot of conversations that are about power play, or power interaction; these often feature, for example, showing off knowledge, insulting or teasing, and intriguing with stories. Then there are conversations that are about pressing emotional buttons, deriving physical thrills like suspense or laughter.
And there are also times when you are “just making conversation”, when it’s the pleasure, or the comfort, or the activity of social interaction in itself that you’re after, and any rise above mundanity is a bonus.
But these conversations can’t literally subsist on nothing; there’s still got to be objects about which you can form sentences. The type of weather we’re having, or whether you liked the movie or not -- aren’t matters of complete irrelevance (whether you liked the movie could easily influence whether I go to see it, or could validate my tastes; the eyes of other people are never utterly insignificant). But the primary use of this sort of question and answer is social: they permit conversation.
‘...it wasn’t the subjects they were talking about that were getting to me, it was the _way_ they were talking about them. There was no debate or discussion, they just went round and round in circles, making flat statements, with everything relating back to them... One would say, “Oh, I liked the episode when...” and then another would just butt in saying, “Oh no, I liked the one when...” and another would say, “I think Joey’s really cute, I like him best...” and the first one would come back saying, “Oh no, I like Ross...” and on and on like that. It wasn’t conversation, it was mutual monologuing.’ -- from Pants on fire by Maggie Alderson
There are a lot of conversations that are about power play, or power interaction; these often feature, for example, showing off knowledge, insulting or teasing, and intriguing with stories. Then there are conversations that are about pressing emotional buttons, deriving physical thrills like suspense or laughter.
And there are also times when you are “just making conversation”, when it’s the pleasure, or the comfort, or the activity of social interaction in itself that you’re after, and any rise above mundanity is a bonus.
But these conversations can’t literally subsist on nothing; there’s still got to be objects about which you can form sentences. The type of weather we’re having, or whether you liked the movie or not -- aren’t matters of complete irrelevance (whether you liked the movie could easily influence whether I go to see it, or could validate my tastes; the eyes of other people are never utterly insignificant). But the primary use of this sort of question and answer is social: they permit conversation.
‘...it wasn’t the subjects they were talking about that were getting to me, it was the _way_ they were talking about them. There was no debate or discussion, they just went round and round in circles, making flat statements, with everything relating back to them... One would say, “Oh, I liked the episode when...” and then another would just butt in saying, “Oh no, I liked the one when...” and another would say, “I think Joey’s really cute, I like him best...” and the first one would come back saying, “Oh no, I like Ross...” and on and on like that. It wasn’t conversation, it was mutual monologuing.’ -- from Pants on fire by Maggie Alderson
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Comment by Andrea
V8 Supercar Pitstop
But have you noticed how many people are afraid of silence? A lot of people can't be with another without having to make a noise of some kind or another. Sometimes, silence is golden.
A.H.
Comment by Ahmed
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Comment by Damo
But I'm lost for words to explain how.
Maybe someone can help.
Comment by Adrian
Philosophy Blog
... there's a quote from the BBC mini-series Pride and Prejudice... goes something like:
Darcy: I have no gift for conversation.
Elizabeth: And I am a bad piano player. But I also assumed it was because I never practised.
Brits, incidentally, seem to make a lot of conversation... I find it rather comforting... That golden silence can easily become oppressive.
Comment by Ahmed
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I recall not very long ago at all we had to make snap oral presentations for a professional communications subject in uni, it was funny becase most people would get up and takl about first thing that would come to their minds, no one had prepared for it.
I talked about apples, just came to mind, you'd think it was a boring topic but I had people laughing... then again I was acting like a clown, who knows?
Comment by Andrea
V8 Supercar Pitstop
By the way ... as well as a silence lover, I'm also a Brit too.
A.H.
Comment by katyzzz
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It might help attract just a little more attention.
I certainly need it.
I suspect my blogs are a little obscure for the average reader and it is "I" who will need to adjust.
As was mentioned, we need to create a framework around which to position our words and make our
conversation.
It can be just a monologue, can't it?
I wanted to do a little more research before my next blog but time is at a premium.
Maybe, by to-morrow, I'll have learned a little more about what it is necessary to do.
This is certainly a reflection on a philosophical blog.
It makes one think, doesn't it?.
Look out for me and I'll keep an eye on you.
We are all put into this world to help one another, the essence of being human.
Comment by Vixter
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It made me think about soap boxes and how so many people don't always even care if they are in a conversation - that is one that involves at least a 2 way interaction - they just want to be heard.
The reason I think of this is because i listen to talk radio and I just love it how (especially on the ABC) there is the announcer passing the mic to random listeners so that they can say even more random stuff. No one point is generally picked on people just air their greivance and the announcer moves on - most of the time it is for the best because poeple can get pretty scary on a soap box.
So that's my little 20 cents worth...but you know all this blogging stuff could be seen as that too - but I think not. Most bloggers invite opinions or interaction...or as you say a polite conversation...sometimes maybe even a little meaty!
A soap box on a radio is more "talking at people" statement after statement...just like that last excerpt mutual monologue - personally I think the conversation is much more satisfying.
Adios
Comment by Adrian
Philosophy Blog
For anyone who's curious, I'm in Uxbridge, near London, at the moment, and my laptop computer has just picked up someone's unsecured wireless network.
Dear Ahmed -- here's one thought on conversations: to get a good conversation going, you have to find someone to break out of Q&A mode. Q&A is just the kindling. You need to get into a situation where both parties are comfortable contributing statements, and where both are interested. The easiest thing is to find common ground interest to talk about, I suppose, but that's always seemed so superficial to me...
Dear Andrea -- one problem with me and silence is that, if no one else is talking, then it's just me talking to me, and that's a conversation that no one should be subjected to.
Dear sleepy Katy -- I promise I'll drop by and read some of your entries, but apologies if I don't see much over the next few weeks (am on holiday at the moment).
I don't think, by the way, that your blogs are much more obscure than mine.
Dear Vixter -- the only talkback radio I personally listen to is this show on Triple J at 6pm on Saturdays. Comedian Dave Callan takes calls from nutcases around Australia. It's frickin' hilarious.
Have you ever been brave enough to call up one of these shows?
Comment by Vixter
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As for me ringing up - I'm sure i was one of those crazies that offered their opinion - I am a radio fan because I used to be the one screening the callers a few years back. And it's the people that DON'T get aired that are super crazy.