Extract from SM 101: A Realistic Introduction by Jay Wiseman
October 1st 2006 01:59
"I leaned back in my chair and let drowsiness sweep over me. My mind began to drift as I lazed in the chair, and a number of images floated through. One image that stopped and focused itself more and more clearly was of me sitting in a chair. My old lady was naked and down on her knees in front of me, and she was energetically sucking my cock. That was definitely an image I could 'groove' with, so I focused in on it some more. If memory serves, a grin spread across my face. And it was right about then that I looked at the image closely enough to see, to my utter shock, that her wrists were tied behind her back with a small, black cord.
My eyes popped open and my feet came down off the rail. I sat bolt upright and blurted out loud to the only person there, me, 'Where the hell did that come from?'
I had no idea. I had absolutely no idea. I had never fantasized about anything like that before.
[…]
I began to feel seriously concerned. Remember, this was just a year or so after the Manson killings. I wondered and worried -- boy, did I worry. Was I was [sic] turning into somebody like that? …
I went to the library of nearby Sonoma State College and looked through its psychology section to see what I could learn. What I found was grim. There were several books that talked about sexual sadism and its often-murderous results. One especially disturbing book contained numerous police photographs of rape/murder victims. The sight of these women's bodies, often horribly mutilated, sickened me and terrified me more than I can say. Was I turning into a person who might someday do something like that?
I decided to keep myself under surveillance. I made up my mind that I was not going to allow myself to hurt anybody. If I thought I was turning into someone that would harm somebody else, then I would either put myself into a mental institution or commit suicide. And thus I lived, waiting and watching to see if I was turning into someone that I needed to shoot. Such a life was, shall we say, not fun."
Jay Wiseman's official site.
Wikipedia article.
My eyes popped open and my feet came down off the rail. I sat bolt upright and blurted out loud to the only person there, me, 'Where the hell did that come from?'
I had no idea. I had absolutely no idea. I had never fantasized about anything like that before.
[…]
I began to feel seriously concerned. Remember, this was just a year or so after the Manson killings. I wondered and worried -- boy, did I worry. Was I was [sic] turning into somebody like that? …
I went to the library of nearby Sonoma State College and looked through its psychology section to see what I could learn. What I found was grim. There were several books that talked about sexual sadism and its often-murderous results. One especially disturbing book contained numerous police photographs of rape/murder victims. The sight of these women's bodies, often horribly mutilated, sickened me and terrified me more than I can say. Was I turning into a person who might someday do something like that?
I decided to keep myself under surveillance. I made up my mind that I was not going to allow myself to hurt anybody. If I thought I was turning into someone that would harm somebody else, then I would either put myself into a mental institution or commit suicide. And thus I lived, waiting and watching to see if I was turning into someone that I needed to shoot. Such a life was, shall we say, not fun."
***
Jay Wiseman's official site.
Wikipedia article.
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Comment by Damo
Comment by Adrian
Philosophy Blog
Really wouldn't know if Jay Wiseman does.