Earl's monologue
December 2nd 2006 02:30
She's my wife for thirty eight years... I went behind her... over and over... fucking asshole I am that I would go out and fuck and come home and get in her bed and say "I love you... " This's Jack's mother. His mother Lily... these two that I had and I lost... and this is the regret that you make... the regret you make is the something that you take... blah... blah... blah... something, something...
(beat)
Gimme a cigarettee?
She had cancer... from her... in her stomach and I didn't go anywhere with her... and I didn't do a god thing... for her and to help her... shit... this bitch... the beautiful, beautiful bitch with perfect skin and child bearing hips and so soft... her namewasLilysee?
(beat, fading)
He liked her though he did, his mom, Frank/Jack... he took care of her and she died. She didn't stick with him and he thinks and he hates me, ok... see... I'm... that's then what you get?... are you still walkin' in that car... ?
... getthat on the tv... there...
... mistakes like this are not ok... sometimes you make some, and ok... not sometimes to make other one... know that you should do better... I loved Lily. I cheated on her. For thirty five years. And I have this son. And she has cancer. And I'm not there. And he's forced to take care of her. He's fourteen years old to take care of his mother and watch her die on him. Little Kid. And I'm not there. And She Dies. And I Live My Life. And I'm Not Fair. Thirty eight years and she has cancer and I'm gone... I leave... I walk out, I can't deal with that... who am I? Who the fuck do I think I am to go and do a thing? Shit on that and that lovely person. I'll go away... I'll go away... I can't hold this... you gotta take this fuckin' pen outta my hand... you fuckin' piss, cocksucker... take this...
Oh fuck... this fuckin' story has fallen apart and I don't even think I can... I got no punchline -- we had good times later, the best times, the love of my life, I thirty eight years -- but never the respect and the... she knew what I did... she knew... all the stupid things I've done but the LOVE was stronger than anything you can think up.
... The attachment... I loved her so much. And I didn't treat her and the goddamn regret... THE GODDAMN REGRET... and I'll die...
Now I'll die and I'll tell you: what? The biggest regret of my life: I let my love go...
... I ruined my love... jesus... jesus christ. what did I do and I had to get away... ? something, something to do... I can't explain... I love her so much... leave her there... and to punish... punish her...
... and the punishment for what? What?... nothing... and I'm so embarrassed... so embarrassed for what I've done...
I'm seventy five years old and embarrassed... .million years ago... my fuckin' REGRET AND GUILT AND these things... don't let anyone tell you that you shouldn't regret anything... don't do that... don't...
... you fuckin' regret what you want... use that... use that...
... use that regret for you any way you want... you can use that ok... someone says not to regret or think about the past, something, mistakes we make... bullshit.
... this is a long way to go for no punch... a little moral... story I say... Love. love. love... this fuckin' life... ohhhhhhh, love...
... it's so fuckin' hard... and so long... life ain't short it's long... Life is long, godddmnit -- god damn... what'd I do? What'd I do? ohhhh what'dIdo?
"Magnolia" by Paul Thomas Anderson.
Edited extract, from the Internet Movie Script Database.
(beat)
Gimme a cigarettee?
She had cancer... from her... in her stomach and I didn't go anywhere with her... and I didn't do a god thing... for her and to help her... shit... this bitch... the beautiful, beautiful bitch with perfect skin and child bearing hips and so soft... her namewasLilysee?
(beat, fading)
He liked her though he did, his mom, Frank/Jack... he took care of her and she died. She didn't stick with him and he thinks and he hates me, ok... see... I'm... that's then what you get?... are you still walkin' in that car... ?
... getthat on the tv... there...
... mistakes like this are not ok... sometimes you make some, and ok... not sometimes to make other one... know that you should do better... I loved Lily. I cheated on her. For thirty five years. And I have this son. And she has cancer. And I'm not there. And he's forced to take care of her. He's fourteen years old to take care of his mother and watch her die on him. Little Kid. And I'm not there. And She Dies. And I Live My Life. And I'm Not Fair. Thirty eight years and she has cancer and I'm gone... I leave... I walk out, I can't deal with that... who am I? Who the fuck do I think I am to go and do a thing? Shit on that and that lovely person. I'll go away... I'll go away... I can't hold this... you gotta take this fuckin' pen outta my hand... you fuckin' piss, cocksucker... take this...
Oh fuck... this fuckin' story has fallen apart and I don't even think I can... I got no punchline -- we had good times later, the best times, the love of my life, I thirty eight years -- but never the respect and the... she knew what I did... she knew... all the stupid things I've done but the LOVE was stronger than anything you can think up.
... The attachment... I loved her so much. And I didn't treat her and the goddamn regret... THE GODDAMN REGRET... and I'll die...
Now I'll die and I'll tell you: what? The biggest regret of my life: I let my love go...
... I ruined my love... jesus... jesus christ. what did I do and I had to get away... ? something, something to do... I can't explain... I love her so much... leave her there... and to punish... punish her...
... and the punishment for what? What?... nothing... and I'm so embarrassed... so embarrassed for what I've done...
I'm seventy five years old and embarrassed... .million years ago... my fuckin' REGRET AND GUILT AND these things... don't let anyone tell you that you shouldn't regret anything... don't do that... don't...
... you fuckin' regret what you want... use that... use that...
... use that regret for you any way you want... you can use that ok... someone says not to regret or think about the past, something, mistakes we make... bullshit.
... this is a long way to go for no punch... a little moral... story I say... Love. love. love... this fuckin' life... ohhhhhhh, love...
... it's so fuckin' hard... and so long... life ain't short it's long... Life is long, godddmnit -- god damn... what'd I do? What'd I do? ohhhh what'dIdo?
***
"Magnolia" by Paul Thomas Anderson.
Edited extract, from the Internet Movie Script Database.
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Comment by Lily
Ars Poetica
~Lily
Comment by Adrienne
Comment by Adrian
Philosophy Blog
I think the idea of using regrets is interesting. Seems to be quite common these days to say that regrets aren't worth wasting time on.
Reminds me of an Einstein quote -- something along the lines of, if you're sitting on a hot stove, a minute will last an hour, whereas if you're talking to a pretty girl, an hour will last a minute.
Comment by Lilla
From The Home Front
Enviro Warrior
Dream Herald
Esoteric Bookshop
thanks Adrian, it was different...
Lilla...
Ps I wasn't going to leave a comment, but for some reason when I voted it only left one point... not enough for a work like this...
Comment by Damo
Comment by KylieW
Celebrity Obsession